As I walk

As I walk I walk alone,

Feeling like I am but stone.

Though I miss what once was mine,

I still stand here and I shine.

Yet I know I love this place, 

I still feel I have no face.

Missing all that once was there,

I shouldn't sulk I shouldn't care.

As I walk I walk with tears,

Feeling alone my greatest fears.

As I walk I walk alone,

Soon I hope I am not stone.        

the hoe not the bro

My being selfish gets the best of me but, 

it's hard to just let things be as they are, 

it's hard to be open about my feelings when i don't want to hurt any one elses but, 

it's also hard to just sit back... 

they say bros before hoes, 

well i'm sick of being the hoe just cos i'm a girl and love some one, 

can i be first for a day or just a morning before work, 

10 minute after work, 

can i not be the hoe in your life just the girl, 

can you say something and mean it, 

can we go some where other then the gas station, 

can we have an us day just one day with only you and me, 

can we not make this a deja vu of my past, 

i'm not asking for money, 

cloths, 

jewelry, 

just some time with you, 

i don't want to bitch about it cos i don't have the right i'm a hoe and hes a bro.

And I Truly Break

Can no one see me who I am,

all my friends don't give a damn.

Killing me so much inside,

killing me I have died.

Lost me and I quickly fell,

back into the burning hell.

Watch me fade so far away,

watch me die in ever way.

Drop me down so very far,

just cut me deeper leave a scar.

Like you even give a shit,

I am done just done with it.

Why'd they let me fall alone,

why is it that now i'm stone.

Take me down done with the fight,

guess all along you all where right,

I am weak no more am I,

I mean you did just let me die.  

Don't feel bad not for me,

cos it takes this much for you to see.

As I drink and fall once more,

you have already closed the door.

So don't even try after all my waiting,

cos you weren't there when I was fading. 

Now I'm gone no longer me,

so now let me go just let me be.

All the pain that I feel,

just know now its not even real.

I leave you all in the past,

cos i guess that i'm not meant to last.

No more care left in me,

not a single piece to see.

So one more time I am done,

sick of dealing with every one. 

Cos I am really alone...

My old work part 8 (final)

I stand tall and hold all my pain,

I stand tall for strength I will gain.

I stand tall with tears on my face,

I stand tall and hold my place.

I stand tall when no one is there,

I stand tall when life is not fare.

I stand tall with pain in my heart,

I stand tall when I'm ripped apart.

I stand tall with an empty hand,

I stand tall when I'm down in the sand.

I can be strong if I really try,

 for if I don’t I know I’ll die.

My old work part 7

All my pain has come from u, 

crying is all you want me to do. 

All you do is cheat on me, 

you love how I'm so unhappy. 

You make me feel so much pain, 

you want to drive me insane. 

With my tears drenching my face, 

you try to keep me in my place. 

You cant even see what you'v done wrong, 

you think to you I will always belong. 

I am nothing but an object to you, 

put in a box with the girls you go through. 

to think I thought you where my shining stare, 

I'm learning to hate u for who you are. 

You don't see me as your loving wife, 

just a trophy in your life.   

You say you love me so very much, 

but other girls is all you'll touch. 

My old work part 6

I feel uncontrollable anger, 

to my self I am a stranger.

How can I feel so damn sad, 

I close my eyes and feel so bad.

What do I feel these feeling for, 

I drop to my knees on the ice cold floor.

I feel my cracked and broken heart, 

as I sit and fall apart.

Feeling hate and feeling love,

yet falling from this tower above. 

This is how I die in side.

My old work part 5

With tears rolling from my eyes, 

the way I feel is no surprise.

The pain i feel is worse then death, 

sharp needles scrape with every breath.

Killing feeling in my heart, 

the way he makes me fall apart.

The way that he's made me feel, 

makes me wounder if love is real.

With all of me I am but sane, 

I can only feel this shattering pain. 

My old work part 4

The pain that of the past like knives in my heart,

tearing up me up and ripping me apart.

In the past all that was said,

its all coming back now swirling in my head.

Pain like fire pain in my sole,

smolder my heart burned black as coal.

Why me what did you do,

all the pain you put me through.

The world is falling words scream in my head,

a flash of the past a bloody red.

It’s all coming back haunting me,

it's all that's left and all I can see.

My old work part 3

Cold empty hands alone it the night,

feeling lost this isn't right.

Hearts loud beat wont let me sleep,

alone in the night i break I weep.

Tears role down my broken face,

tumbling falling lost in space.

Heart beats fast mind moves slow,

wish you'd hold me never letting go.

Eyes are closed but I'm awake,

I try to sleep instead I break.

I'v become so very week,

hard for me to even speak.

I close my eyes once more tonight,

waiting again for the days first light.

My old work part 2

If I was free what would I do,

spending my days looking for you.

Knowing you hate me what can i say,

I'm just waiting for our last day.

I knew we would never the same,

I knew I'd catch fire and die in flame.

Do I really love you this I might not know,

but one day this will happen I will let you go. 

How I love who you use to be,

why could I not set you free.

Guess we changed over the years,

bringing to life our greatest fears.

I became so angry as did you, 

every thing we use to do.

I broke you down and you broke me,

we are truly not meant to be. 

You made who am some one I don't know,

this is why I'm sure I am letting go.

My old work part 1

Hold the madness deep inside,

hold the anger forever to hide.

Don't ever show it don't let them see,

hold in the fire don't set it free.

 When you're alone no one in sight,

let it out within the night.

It's hard to let go when in suffocation,

snapping at every one in sheer frustration.

 I breath in the sorrow breath in the pain,

constantly crowded going insane. 

Me

Though surrounded I feel alone, 

knowing how I'v turned to stone. 

For a short time I can feel, 

it still just doesn't seem so real. 

I smile though I'm dead inside, 

soon my darkens will not hide. 

Once I show them the real me, 

I know the'll leave I know the'll flee. 

Wanna let go lose my self break free, 

I wanna show the me inside wanna set me free. 

Scared to my myself afraid to speak my mind, 

let them see how lost I am to lost for them to find. 

Broken so inside as I'm set to fire, 

gotta be my self this is getting dire. 

Don't give up

When I was alone you stood there with me, 

you're the best friend a friend could be.

Why did I go and leave you alone,

by your self to turn to stone. 

I left you in your time of need,

I left you behind for my own greed.

I'll never forgive what I have done,

I left you alone like every one.

My feelings on leaving I did hide,

even as you sat and cried.

I never said what I wanted to,

and every day I'm missing you.

As you fall I sit in tears,

watching you live my past fears.

You're living through to much pain,

the vary thing drove me insane.

I cry for you I'm reaching out,

I hear you calling I hear you shout. 

As you feel it a thousand times,

you're the victim of blinding crimes.

You're breaking down and feeling dead,

visions blurring and splatters red.

You die inside with every breath,

ever day closer to death.

You're scaring me and I'm not there,

to hold your hand and show I care.

I am not what you are, 

I'm just the reason for another scar.

Please don't give up please don't die,

I can feel it when you cry.

Don't leave me now I'm still here,

please stop making me feel this fear.

So please come back and be who you are,

its hard to reach you you're so far.

I can't do it I can't lose you,

I know what you are going through. 

Don't go way don't fade to black,

one day I promise I'll bring you back.

Breath again breath with me,

gain your power and be free.

I love so with all my heart,

even though we're part. 

Please get up smile once more,

don't stay down there on the floor.

Please my friend please be strong,

you fought this battle way to long.

Not like this I won't let you go,

I will fight and that you know.

I can feel it you are breaking,

I can feel that you are aching.

Stop this madness get up now,

I will show you exactly how.

Don't leave me hanging in the night,

let me help you come on lets fight.

Come on lets do this you and me,

like old time like it use to be.

I still need you my best friend,

I will need you till the end.

Don't give up on me... 

Chaotic

Though its been some time can't for get what you have said, 

you still break me down and make me feel so dead.

 Why can't you just say what is going on, 

I feel like you're not there i feel that you are gone. 

You say one thing and do another god it breaks my heart, 

tearing me asunder and breaking me apart. 

When can i breath when can I get out, 

when will you hear me do I have to shout. 

I'v done for you more then I'v done before, 

yet you take me down and burn me to my core. 

All the words you say nothing do you mean, 

I have shown you more then any ones ever seen. 

I am just so mad at all that you have done, 

I want away from you i just wanna run. 

Please just tell me now please just let me go, 

please just tell me something my god just let me know. 

I can't keep this up my holding onto you, 

I wanna break me free and feel like I am new. 

The fire gets so hot the fire in my soul, 

burning me with hate burning just like coal. 

As I burn you watch soon I am to die, 

smile on your face as you know I cry. 

Shatter me a thousand times push me to the line, 

you know I'm lost in hell you know that I'm not fine. 

I am lost to you and you are lost and blind, 

I am the light for you the light you have to find. 

I'm reaching out my hand so find me in this hell, 

if you grab a hold my secrets I will tell. 

I don't give a damn what you want to do, 

just please tell now I'm am sick of loving you. 

Tear me down to nothing as I was before, 

what did I expect from you I should not have wanted more.  

Incomplete

I opened the door but you can't see, 

as I feel you you're killing me. 

Connections lost in a hell, 

are you there I can't tell. 

Scream in my soul break in my heart, 

I knew i'd fall from the start. 

We fall together you and I, 

we break together then we die. 

Pulled apart by all around, 

I miss your vice just the sound. 

Anger rising I can't tame, 

I know that you feel the same. 

So as we wait we are broken, 

some day to breath our words unspoken.

Wishing

every time I start to stand again, 

every time I start to fix me self, 

I dream, 

I dream of two things that pull me back down, 

break me all over again, 

make me cry all over again and it hurts, 

it just hurts, 

why do I have to keep reliving these things, 

why do I have to still see it, 

feel it, 

go through it all over again, 

its killing me and no one knows but me and I can't talk about it, 

the words wont leave my mouth, 

so I sit and let the tears roll down in hopes that it will be the last time that I dream.  

Beauty

close your eyes stop looking and feel, 

that is beauty and what is real. 

what you feel is what you know, 

its how we work and how we grow. 

don't keep looking be blind for a day, 

feel new things in this way. 

we aren't our skin we're what we hide, 

who we are is whats inside. 

so once again close your eyes, 

what you find will surprise.  

My Love

I love you more then anything, 

you make me smile, 

you make me sing, 

you make me dance, 

you never leave me, 

you pick me up when i fall,

you're my everything, 

you make me feel when no one else can, 

you make me feel alive, 

you take me away, 

you take me to new places, 

you give me strength, 

you make me happy when i'm sad, 

you fix me when i break, 

you bring out the best in me, 

you take my pain, 

you take my sorrow, 

you take my tears, 

you make my heart beat, 

you take me out of the darkness, 

you give me hope, 

you make me feel like i'm not alone, 

with you I never have to think you won't be there, 

I have to thank you for being there, 

picking me up and making me believe in me, 

thank you music, 

if I found some one like you, 

some one to be my music, 

I would never let him go. 

Stand

starting to get my footing and regain my ground, 

my strength will quickly grow and soon it will be found. 

as i'v fallen you pushed and pushed till i'm lost in me, 

now i'm getting back up now i'll make you see. 

i can save me from my hell not a hand to hold, 

and will stand again though i may be very cold. 

i wont get hurt by people and what they want me for, 

i find my strength with in me starting at my core. 

be careful what you do to me cos i'v closed my heart, 

ready to be the one that isn't ripped apart. 

Never

in a second everything can change, 

in a second a person can change, 

in a second feelings can change, 

these things can fade away, 

these things can be forgotten, 

people can be forgotten, 

left behind, 

feelings can be forgotten, 

never felt again, 

so hold on, 

hold onto what you have, 

hold on to who you have, 

never let them fade away, 

don't let them disappear, 

don't let them become invisible, 

don't let some one else take them away cos then you feel invisible, 

you feel forgotten, 

so hold on and never let go of what you care about, 

never.

Death

once you have felt pain, 

sorrow, 

hate, 

you never forget it and its always in you, 

it never truly leaves, 

every tear is a scar, 

and every one feels it, 

but being numb, 

you can only find that in one thing, 

you can only truly be numb if you have been shown how to do it, 

where you can just shut off the pain at will, 

once you feel this feeling of being numb, 

you are never the same, 

you change and you feel it there all the time, 

you notice it every day, 

something there that wasn't there before, 

something that you can't explain, 

something that only comes from touching death, 

when you come back you take a piece of it with you, 

you for ever feel death in you, 

you for ever know the feeling of being dead, 

you feel nothing in death, 

you feel numb, 

truly numb and for ever its part of you, 

there is a little part of you that is lost, 

part of you has been taken for ever and replaced with death, 

replaced with darkness, 

I hold this part within me, 

I feel it with every breath I take, 

it reminds me to live, 

to see what others don't see, 

to notice what others don't notice and to feel everything, 

to feel every one or to feel nothing, 

this is the cures of death and this is the gift of death, 

coming back, 

I wasn't meant to die yet, 

I was meant to bring a part of death back with me, 

I am meant to teach some one how to live.

Don't Judge Me

I wouldn't judge you for who you are or what you chose to be, 

so how can you sit there staring and judging me. 

you lie to me right off the bat deceptions swirl in you, 

that's ok the second we met I know that we where through. 

you think that I'll be missing out but really its not me, 

there wasn't much I liked of you not that I could see. 

you are lost inside and consumed by the past, 

you judged me dismissed me and shunned me so fast.

I am a kind person I never judge a soul,

even the ones that are dark and hearts black as coal.

so I can't understand why you won't do the same,

when I meet some one like you its just a bloody shame. 

Being Alone

being alone does not feel good, 

but being alone is better then being left, 

being ignored, 

being shunned, 

being alone is being safe, 

no one to hurt me, 

hate me, 

leave me, 

break me,

 being alone is being free from pain, 

neglect, 

abandonment, 

heart break, 

sorrow, 

being alone is better then being broken. 

Real Relationships

what is a relationship, 

is it shared likes and dislikes, 

is it being alike, 

is it sharing what you believe in, 

is it being the same, 

is it changing your self, 

is it a person finding some one just like them? 

no. 

its being who you are with some one, 

its caring, 

its liking what they don't like and disliking what they do like, 

but not on everything, 

its letting them be who they are, 

letting them believe in what they want and still loving them, 

its finding some one unlike you, 

its yin and yang, 

its finding things you don't have, 

its finding things that your not, 

its finding pieces that you don't have, 

that's why its called your other half.

Beautiful Fool

I wait for you in the dark, 

you left on me your burning mark. 

you put me through so much pain, 

slowly driving me insane. 

I am your beautiful fool, 

I am a broken tool. 

I sit and miss you as I cry, 

I sit and love you as I die. 

you are loving me in my head, 

but in this life we are dead. 

I am your beautiful fool, 

I am a broken tool. 

you make me hurt your disconnected, 

in my soul so reflected. 

break me down I cry a flood, 

flowing out a sea of blood. 

a broken rose i am to be, 

I wish you would just set me free. 

torn a sunder in my heart, 

loving you is an art. 

I am your beautiful fool, 

I am a broken tool. 

I hope some one sets me free, 

holds me close loves me, 

so I wont be a broken tool, 

but i'll be his beautiful fool.

Chain Reaction

I lie to you, silently hating myself

  "i'm ok" "i don't know" "i don't care"

   as I lie more and more every day, I

break you cos i'v been broken, I make

  you cry cos some one made me cry, I

   am cold to you cos some one was cold 

   to me, I am the product of a chain 

    reaction and you will be the product

    of my chain reaction, my link, you

     will carry on my pain as i carry on

     his. 

Again

you may break me, 

you may hate me, 

you may take me down to nothing, 

you may push me down time and time again but one day i will put me back together, 

i will love me, 

i will take me higher, 

i will pull me back up and stand in all my glory as you sit and wallow in your failure.

Tragic Love

you tell me that you care but it doesn't mean a thing, 

i can feel the hate i can feel it sting. 

don't you know what you have done to me,

 broken me down and you can't see. 

i waited for you i waited so long, 

i held it together i was strong. 

once i got to be with you as it was meant to be, 

rapped up in your arms feeling more then free. 

but then i had to go and sorrow filled to leave, 

going far away from you i could not believe. 

i got to close to you then i had to go, 

with out saying how i feel i needed you to know. 

though so far away i told you how i feel, 

my feelings oh so strong and how it was so real. 

you pushed me away like i wasn't there, 

how can you do this it really isn't fair. 

then i sat in waiting once again for you, 

never did you try my sorrow quickly grew. 

for days i sat in tears full of burning pain, 

then i made a choice though i would not gain. 

i waited 3 more days hoping you'd be there, 

wishing in your absence but you didn't care. 

now i pull away not much left inside, 

i was right the first time i was right to hide. 

i should have never said it my heart beats no more, 

tear me down with hate to my very core. 

so now i'v learned my lesson the heart is always wrong, 

never trust another to no one i belong.